August 7, 2007 by annie.

date hiked: July 24, 2007
distance: 2.7 miles
highest elevation: 2030 feet
elevation gain: 2030 feet
time: 1 hours 10 minutes

They have a name for people like me in Alaska. I’m ashamed to admit it. There are signs describing me. I’m sure it may eventually be included in the DSM-V and there will be a medication. What’s wrong with me? I am suffering from bearanoia. It’s true. I’m terrified of bears. It’s amazing how fast you hike up a mountain when you are are suffering from an irrational fear of a big, scary monster that is capable of eating you.

The Mt. Roberts trail was actually pretty cool. I chose it because Tyler was able to ride the tram to the 1800 feet level instead of hiking and I met him at the tram station. The trail leads through a rainforest…and I became quite muddy, which was fun. I spent a lot of time trying to overcome my bear anxiety…and I think I finally managed to gain a rational perspective. Then, I enjoyed myself. I only saw one other person hiking up the trail, but once you reach the tram station it becomes a busy place. There’s a restaurant, gift shop, theater, art gallery, and raptor center. Tyler and I met up, walked around some of the trails, and bought some art. The Mt. Roberts trail continues up the mountain to its’ peak at 3019 feet, but we didn’t go all the way to the top. We explored, overlooking Juneau far below, and rode the tram down the mountain.

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August 7, 2007 by annie.

The strong, bold bluffs of the interior passages now give way to gentler elevations along the Pacific seaboard, but the country gradually rises from the coast until but a few miles back the same old cloud-capped, snow-covered peaks recur, and as we stand well out to sea they look as abrupt as ever. - Frederick Schwatka “The Inside Passage” 1886

July 21, 2007

I’m on the ferry now. Traveling through the inside passage, with a couple hundred other people on a boat, I feel odd. I can’t quite figure out what it is.

July 22, 2007

Yesterday, I saw a whale. My first whale. It was a humpback whale…breaching repeatedly as if welcoming me to it’s home. It was so close I could feel the splash on my face. People around me were snapping pictures, but I couldn’t. I was too stunned, too mesmerized. I know it sounds silly.

There were more whales yesterday. Over and over, they would reveal themselves by the spray from their blowhole visible from a mile away. I was in heaven.

So as I sit here, perched at the ready, waiting for the whales…my thoughts wonder. I am in my element. This is what I wanted my life to be like. I was going to be a marine biologist and live on boat, working with whales or dolphins. But I’m not. I became pregnant. I had a baby by myself instead. I became a teacher so I could be a mom. Am I okay with it? Do I have regrets?

For a moment, I’m afraid of the answer. I search inside, crawling through the dark recesses. I turn over the ugly spots. I sit with that odd, weird feeling. It doesn’t take as long as I anticipate. I thought it was a harder question. I am okay. I have no regrets. 

Hearing Tyler next to me, ” Mom, I have to go to the bathroom, but if I leave I might miss another whale.” I laugh. We’ve both refused to eat or leave our perch. We’re afraid to miss anything. This is my element. I’m a mom. Sharing moment after moment with her son, while the whales dance by.

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